There was a fight in the playground. Nothing new there you might think, but this time it was between two parents. It involved the police, an indefinite ban from the school premises and with their children looking on. Worst of all, I missed it. I was hoping to capture it on film for my Channel 5 documentary idea “When Parents Rampage”.
We’ve had a cage built within our playground, it’s called a MUGA, but it’s a cage. It’s used as a place to drop kids off at and then to stand well back from. Now, if I can just encourage enough hostile parents to batter each other, we could use it to raise money from cage fighting.
As if this wasn’t high drama enough, I thought we had a death on our hands too. I walked into the staff room to be confronted by what looked like a stiff. I didn’t recognise this person, either in life or in possible death and I had no stick to prod her with. I pretended to look too busy to notice a dead person, in case someone walked in. The relief, as she finally made a sound like a duck trying to whistle, was palpable.
The drama wasn’t over. A child in my class erupted. “I hate odd and even numbers!” he bellowed and chained himself to the radiator, using the strap from a wish box. Most children can’t wait to leave school at the end of the day. He refused to leave.
I feel sorry for odd numbers personally. To be labelled ‘odd’ isn’t nice and they have to put up with their smug, perfectly divisible neighbours. So the campaign starts here…from now on they will be known as ‘Quirky’ numbers! Quirky makes me think ‘bohemian’, ‘left-field’ and ‘unpredictable’. They’ll be the Quirky Quincy’s to the Even Steven’s. Will you join my cause?
1, 3, 5, 7, 9! Quirky numbers are just fine! 11, 13 and 15! Quirky numbers vent your spleen!
To end the day, I found part of a letter in our photocopying room. It had been written by a former pupil who’d joined the school some sixty years ago. She could recollect, with startling clarity, all of her teachers. Also included in the letter were examples of the inspiration and confidence the teachers gave her.
As I lined up with 1,500 teachers to take part in the ‘TeachFirst Challenge Run’, I wondered if any one of us might be written about in sixty years time. If it’s me I hope I get the credit for the ‘Quirky Number Rap’.