Remember to remember

Using multiples of different coloured powders, painstakingly glued into place, this was an enchanting piece of sacred Rangoli art…at least it was until I accidentally kicked it over. I never did find out how long it took the children to create the work for the school’s Diwhali competition but I felt sick. All that remained were the powders on my size 9 shoe. Ironically I could have entered the shoe into the competition and won.

To say sorry I covered the walls of my classroom with their hastily redone Rangoli artwork. I didn’t realise that the swastika features so heavily in Hindu art. Anyone glancing into my classroom would think I was attempting a Third Wave experiment.

I managed to avoid any further wrath from any Hindu God and my class, yet I still met enough problems to keep me on my not-very-twinkle toes. One child urinated on the carpet (an accident? a dirty protest?), another admitted to cheating and this after I’d tried to laud him as a genius to his parents. Thankfully for him and me, his parents didn’t speak any English.

If parents evening taught me one thing it’s that I have the ‘gift of the gab’. Despite the term being only six weeks old,  I spent five and a half hours with the parents gassing about levels and plans for each term, when all they probably wanted to know is “is she doing ok?” or “has he stopped pissing on the carpet?” A sentence in one child’s book read ‘mum hits everyone because she is rude’. Thankfully, only Dad showed up.

So half-term cameth (is that a word? it is now) and it’s been about trying to deal with and learn from these myriad of moments. I’m a rookie pretending to the class that I’m not and it’s energy zapping. But as one friend wisely said to me, you can only ever be ‘perfectly imperfect’.

These are some of the genuine search terms people have used, only to inexplicably end up at my blog (along with some sardonic comments in red).

i just projectile vomited and do bridge walks and he wonders why he’s single.

part time tamil teaching jobs in Colombo you’ve come to the right place!

frivolous home made robotic glockenspiel for sale, one carefree owner.

the answer to brain teaser is pinky and perky fish really? I thought the answer was ‘the Belgians’.

“need the toilet” + “too late” I think we’ve met.

are you an alien tim see the next exciting instalment when all will be revealed!


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