Thick and thin

I thought I’d just heard the lecturer say “what’s the point of university?”, and then she said it again. Maybe she was on the cusp of a breakdown; maybe I’d pushed her over the edge. She’d been talking about the tardiness of some students turning up late for lectures as I arrived ten minutes late. Alternatively she may have become the latest victim of the Phantom Cock Artist, who had defaced textbooks and exercise pads with illustrations of the male appendage. Would he/she ever be caught?

We had other more pressing concerns; some children from a local school were visiting us for an ICT lesson.  We were reminded that children are like spiders; more scared of you than you are of them, nevertheless we collectively felt there might be a riot.

If you say to children they are going to play football with a robot, they might imagine a giant steel structure with flashing lights and moving parts displaying Brazilian-style soccer skills.  Imagine their faces when confronted with a robot the size of a slipper that moved so slowly it looks like it was going backwards. Even the goalposts were in danger of being snapped in two by a rubber ball. Surprisingly the lesson went well; thank god some kids are easily amused.

More fun followed in a lesson on the Early Years foundation stage.  The lecturer told how she was once asked by one of her infants if her parents “made her”. “Yes” replied the lecturer “so how did they stick my eyes in?” asked the kid. We enjoyed the chance to regress back to being kids by pulling faces and making squeaky voices with balloons. I volunteered to be ‘Vitruvian Man’ and have my arm width measured to see if it’s true it matches your height. In my case it was and at 6 ft 2 inches I wondered how I don’t more closely resemble Mr Tickle.

I’d forgotten my kit for PE but thankfully this being university, and not school, I didn’t have to do it in my pants. This was for the best, as after an hour-long practice interview with a head teacher they weren’t in the best shape. The interview was invaluable experience and I hurriedly scribbled down notes as she provided feedback at the end. Turning to the next page in my exercise pad revealed a picture of a cock so beautifully illustrated it could have been drawn by Da Vinci himself.

The Phantom Menace had struck again and I patiently waited for the ground to open up.


As part of a recent creative teaching class we were asked a couple of brain teasers one of which I think is appropriate for this post and will share. See if you can guess the answer, I will post it next time.

What bone keeps getting longer and shorter?

Mr. Tickle

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