Fight or Flight

It’s like being sat with a drunk at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. This thought popped into my head during Zak’s latest bout of bad behaviour. With the Year 6 group running through rehearsals for ‘Yousuf and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat’, I had to exit Zak (stage left) as he went ballistic. With all the commotion and struggle to get him off the stage, I’m surprised I wasn’t offered the part of the slave driver.

It’s not only the School that have had enough, Tesco’s have too. Zak’s been banned from their stores, after a Supermarket Sweep ended with the trashing of a trolley. To be honest his anecdote smacked of gross over-exaggeration. As did the £5 he allegedly received from the previous night’s ‘tooth fairy’. It was 50p in my day; I guess that’s inflation for you.

It was like being in the midst of a ticker-tape parade during break time. Zak and another child, who have both built up an insurmountable amount of World Cup football cards, got into a fight. Thousands of football cards (ok, so I might be exaggerating now) flew into the air. The World Cup might be over but this didn’t stop a mass Wild West brawl. Six, count ’em, six teaching assistants stood and watched the events unfold. “Leave it to the new kid to sort out” seemed their collective decision.

Zak was sent to Roisin’s office, where he went on an immediate hunger strike. “I would rather be skinny” he said, when I offered to take him to lunch. Kate Moss would be proud and as they say a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips. He did manage to eventually eat something, before falling asleep for half an hour. With a roll of the eyes Roisin advised me to leave him. This was further evidence of Zak not being in any condition for School.

The School Secretary took me to one side “what’s this I hear about you telling Zak you have a pet fly called Melvyn?”. I decided to structure my response like a maths question, “if you have fifteen internal exclusions, each for a duration of three and a half hours, in an isolated place with one child, how many hours would it take, rounding it up to the nearest hundred, before you start talking about having a pet fly?”

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