Zak sat down next to me and quoted a line from Scarface, “say hello to my little friend!”. This was a welcome break from the “you know the thing about the thing?”, which he begins most conversations with. An interminable day long exclusion from class saw us discuss everything from lower intestines, to sniffer dogs, to how far you can throw a seahorse and ending with an interesting chat about the Solar System (until he brought Allah into it).
It was though, a time of some good shared humour. Zak had to draw a picture of me, for the School website. For his first attempt, I looked as menacing as the child catcher from ‘Oliver!’. This, along with a Simpson‘s-like complexion, made me also appear thoroughly jaundiced. I much preferred the second effort which, despite me wearing orthopaedic shoes and a grin so crooked it barely appeared on my face, was an improvement.
The continued isolation prompted ever more bizarre conversations;
Zak: I once saw some snakes on a plane
Me: are you sure you’re not confusing this with the film “Snakes on a Plane”?
Zak: I saw them!
Me: cross your heart
I told him I had a pet fly called Melvyn, he told me he had been with a girl last night. We were both living in a world of ridiculous exaggeration. I did discover though why he has a long-held hatred of Greece. He once visited an airport in Greece where the following exchange allegedly took place;
Zak: where is our plane?
Greek Airport Security Officer: it’s over there prick
This was all acted out in front of me with complete conviction. He also insisted he’d been thrown off the plane. It could have been plausible had he not added ‘while it was taking off’.
He also complemented me for the first time today, “I’m proud of you” he said “is that nice?”. This may have been because he thought I’d saved his life, by removing a wasp that was buzzing around us. It was also a first for me, accidentally swearing in front of him. I dropped a container of sports equipment on my foot and said “Shit”. “You said the C word!” he abruptly shouted. “S, Zak” I muttered disappointedly “it begins with an S”.