“football is a matter of life and death”

I separated my first fight today. Thank God primary kids are only about 4 feet tall, as the last kick just landed on my thigh, instead of any higher. I worked today with an autistic kid, obsessed with football.  Everything taught to him must centre on football. The morning was easy, it was numeracy. “So if Chelsea score 54 goals and Arsenal only score 37 goals, by how many goals did Chelsea win by?” etc.

The afternoon became more complicated. We were looking at ‘Life Cycles’ in Science. I needed a little more imagination, such as “if the Chelsea team were to die in a plane crash, would they return to life or is that the end of their life cycle?” (thankfully he supports Chelsea, rather than Manchester United). The sum total of my efforts, from him, was a scrawled note saying “wan u bag something like dog is like maney”.

Thankfully, I was able to get a top team of cryptologists on the case. Their considered opinion being it was probably something Satanic. I’ve given him detention all this week for Heresy.


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