What is it with caretakers?

or ‘Premises Managers’ as they’re now known. This is my fifth day at the school, and the fifth day the caretaker (I refuse to refer to him as the ‘Premises Manager’) has ignored me. I’ve made an effort each time he’s walked past. I’ve tried saying ‘hello’, nodding in his direction and smiling, nothing. It’s like I’m invisible.

I think its time we showed these people up for what they are, sinister, miserable, cellar-dwellers who can’t get a better job than bleeding the occasional radiator and freaking kids out. I know its strong, but why doesn’t he acknowledge my existence?. I grew up thinking all janitors were like Hong Kong Phooey, mild mannered with a sideline in crime busting. How my illusions have been shattered. What follows is a short script, based on the average caretaker interview process;

Two teachers gathered at the end of a short series of interviews

Teacher 1: so what did you think of the candidates?

Teacher 2: well candidate 1 was creepy, unkempt, illiterate, menacing and frankly I think should be excluded from society

Teacher 1: and candidate 2?

Teacher 2: the same as candidate 1, but with a glass eye

Teacher 1: yes I agree, candidate 2 really had the Chill factor

Teacher 2: so we’re agreed, let’s call him in, congratulations Bert we’re offering you the job of caretaker!


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