Highlighters and hygiene

The advent of the new term had left me ambivalent. I worked out that I was only looking forward to seeing about 14 of my class. I also rued that some of them were too young to truant. Not too young to steal though.

Two of my class were caught red handed x 6 after a messy art lesson. One of the girls repeatedly stole to extent that she’s now chaperoned around the school and has her bag checked at the beginning and end of each day.

Luckily distractions were aplenty. Although I doth’d protest too much we had a week of Shakespeare workshops (or Will.i.am Shakespeare as I called him to keep down wit’ the kids). Comic Relief also swung by and with it the necessity to wear pyjamas. I went for a red jumper, smart shirt and jimmy jamms – it said “I’m a professional and a great ladies man” at the same time.

It was nicely timed, there’s nothing like images of starving Africans, to shut even the most boisterous of classes up. I heard myself say “your best piece of work will get sent to Africa” and commandeered the autistic child’s stress ball; I’m going to hell…

News that my year group is being moderated has added an extra frisson of pressure. That in turn has probably left me insecure about my possible shortcomings. I’ll be sat before a committee of moderators who will fire off questions about my leveling and teaching practices. They will also interview the children. I only hope it’s not the child who told me he “eats bin burgers” (I later found out this is part of a game) or the child who wrote he wanted to ‘find different ways to dickrubber a shape’. I’m able to teach both safe sex and shape.

Speaking of cross curricular, my observation was eventful with a Science lesson that veered into B-Movie Horror with maggots discovered in the fruit I’d just purchased. The Head Teacher described me as “good with outstanding features” (she was probably referring to my cheekbones). The coronary I nearly suffered calming the hysterical children made it only just worth it.

Once we’d established Alan Sugar didn’t invent sugar and I’d realised I needed to invent a ‘Irritant of the week’ award we were suddenly at the end of another week. I’d been teaching ‘Time’ that week with varying levels of success but they could all tell me when we’d reached 3:15.

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